After delaying for months now a visit to the Ophtalmologist for the tiny bump on my left eye that's been bothering me more lately, I finally went yesterday and was told that what I have is called Pterygium - - a tissue growth on the cornea.  I was also already scheduled for my next appointment for a Punctual Plug eye duct drainage.  The doctor also prescribed an eye drop- - Lotemax that cost me a whopping $80.00 for a bottle drop not even bigger than my thumb.  It is suppose to shrink the bump before surgery.

I was off work Monday, yesterday and for the rest of the week so today, my day started having breakfast with family when I got a text message from Dom Lawrence saying hi and that I am always in his prayers...his text somehow calm my nerves as I am about to go to my next appointment with my new Cardiologist in the afternoon.  But before that, we first met with someone to take care of some personal matters for my mother and then was also just in time to still be able to attend the 12:10 p.m. Mass Service.

After coming from Church, I then went directly to my new Cardiologist appointment that did not go so well.   The doctor came in the examination room and the first thing he said was "oh you are young"...He then started asking me the routine questions about my medical history, when and how was I diagnosed with my heart condtion and then not even about 10 minutes through it, he then said he is out of hospital gowns but he needs me to strip down to just my underwear to listen to my heart.  As this point, I felt a little irked because he was the only one who made do that and not having a hospital gown available just isn't right...I am not a prude but I felt uncomfortable because I just find it a bit odd...but I did oblige and was cold as a fish while I await for his return.  I am not going to go into details about how the examination went, but just like how my other Cardio doctor visits before, there was no need for me to strip down just to my underwear for a doctor to listen to my heart.  It was a totally awkward and an odd visit.  I will definitely be in the market again to look for a new Cardiologist - - I do not want to entrust him with my Skippyheart at all!

I still have to go though a battery of medical exams, but since tomorrow is my mom's birthday, I plan to have fun so have decided to just go for my Chest X-Ray and put off the rest of the exams later on.

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I spend most of my day on the Internet and usually sign-off between 11 p.m. to 2:00 a.m. -- but these past few days I’ve been staying online later and later because I am still a bit restless from crying my heart out last Friday morning.  The kind of crying when you feel as if something is being hammered into your heart -- My Skippyheart. 

I love the peacefulness and quietness of the night, but sometimes with it comes vulnerability - like tonight.

What I think I need is a break -- I am going to take my long overdue vacation...

- - - -
Come and lay down by my side
'till the early morning light
All I'm takin' is your time.
Help me make it through the night.

I didn't go to work for this morning was such a bad start for me...the uncertenties, disappointments and storms of my life just seem to be resurfacing again. 

I hate being out of control.  I have such an immense fear, such a profound feeling that radiates into my soul...it is not very easy to control my mind and stop the habit of worrying and fear of not knowing what the future holds.  I fear the narrow, winding and bumpy road of life...I hate being away of my comfort zone but I know better -- after all of the life's battle I fought and won, this too shall pass...but please give me the strength to carry on.  Remind me that  Iam not alone, for You are always with me Lord...

- - - - - -
When I think I’m going under, part the waters Lord.
When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea.
When I cry for help O hear me, Lord, and hold out Your hand.
Touch my life, still the raging storm in me.

Knowing You love me through the burdens I must bear,
Hearing Your footsteps let’s me know I’m in your care;
And in the night of my life You bring the promise of day.
Here is my hand, show me the way.

Here is my pain, heal it once more.